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I promised both of my parents that I would never put them through anything like this again ever. After the operation, I really did have an empty feeling. I didn't know if it was physical or mental. I knew it was one decision that I would have to live with forever and never make again: the loss of my own child. I didn't even want to know the sex but I overheard a nurse tell my mom she thought is was a girl. I cried.Mom and I went away for the week. We actually had a nice time together. I probably grew up more that week than the rest of my entire life. We discussed life in general and dating. I told her the sex wasn't even that good. Mom told me we should have had talks like this more often and we might have saved a crisis."Julie, wait for the man that you love. He is out there. You'll know the difference when you make love to him. There will be little fireworks, believe me."I never told my mom that I had been with a number of guys and I never felt much of anything.After we returned. She really felt like she had made a great friend. She wanted to cry but held it in. She didn’t want to start crying again and ruin all the makeup she had just gotten applied today. She broke the hug and asked if Chrissy could help her get all this stuff to her apartment. Chrissy agreed.After helping move all the stuff, Chrissy said she had to leave because she had a lot to do to get ready for work next week. When she left, Rachel went to her room and stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring the new look. She just couldn’t get over how different she looked and how great it made her feel. She stood there twirling around like a little school girl playing dress up. She was smiling really big the whole time. She never smiled like that. It was a new Rachel for sure.Rachel grabbed a notebook and pen and decided to write about her day. She didn’t know where to start but figured it wouldn’t matter anyway. She wrote about the headache and the coffee and going shopping with Chrissy..
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